Routines Vs. Schedules
Are you trying to get your baby on a feeding, sleep or play schedule?
So, one of the questions I often get as a parent educator, nurse and IBCLC is “when will my baby be on a schedule”? Many new parents report to me that they feel pressured to “get baby on a schedule”. But what does that mean? Is it normal? Doable? Healthy? Is it even necessary?
The difference between schedules and routines
The first thing I like to ensure is that parents know the difference between schedules and routines. The simplest way I find to distinguish the difference between a schedule and a routine is by asking yourself, are you a slave to the clock? Do you feel you HAVE to get the baby down by 1:00pm for their afternoon nap for example? If you answered yes then this is a schedule. If you answered no, that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a particular time, but perhaps after you feed the baby this would be an example of a routine.
All babies and children thrive on routine, but not everyone so much on schedules. If you happen to have a child who has a highly regular temperament, sometimes referred to as “spirted”, “difficult” (not my word) these children will thrive on schedules. But the majority of babies and even most adults do better with routines than strict schedules. Let’s face it life happens, right? Routines allow children to know what to expect next. When you know what to expect you feel less anxious and more secure. Babies and children are no different. Routines also allow you to follow your baby’s/children’s cues and their developmental milestones. Schedules doesn’t allow for this. If your child is tired and showing you all their sleep cues but nap time is still an hour or two away and you push it to meet that schedule, you’ll likely end up with an overtired baby/child versus just putting them down earlier and meeting their needs.
How to establish a routine
When establishing a routine, it is important to take into consideration the needs and cues of your baby. One popular routine is “Feed, Play, Sleep”. The problem with this routine is that it doesn’t take into consideration that the majority of breastfed babies fall asleep at the breast while feeding. This is normal and is not a “bad habit”. Even bottle fed babies like to suck on a pacifier and or be rocked before drifting off to dream land, sucking to sleep be it the breast or pacifier is normal. Playing right before you go to sleep usually is not a soothing experience. Ever played sports or gone to the gym and then tried to come home right after and go to sleep? It doesn’t work too well for many of us. For many babies, Feed, Play, Sleep just won’t work.
The problem many of us have with doing routines and not adhering to a tight schedule is it doesn’t fit into OUR schedule. Yes, I said it. It’s hard to let go of having control, especially if you were raised with thinking children should follow what you say, do, etc. Here’s the thing; you don’t have control over your children. You might think you do, but what they do, say, etc. is not a reflection of you. They are their own separate beings. You may not experience this yet but as children grow up and into teenagers you will soon realize this.
Power Struggles
There are three big areas in your young baby’s/child’s life that you will have power struggles with if you allow it. Sleep. Food. Elimination. You cannot force someone to sleep because you want them to sleep, eat everything that you have prepared or sit on that potty and poop when you want them to. We want to parent from a place of emotional connection not by coercion, force, bargaining, etc. Allowing for some “space” and “letting go” of the schedule can also decrease a lot of anxiety parents have. Enjoy your baby, stop watching the clock and breathe. It’s going to be ok, I promise.
Conclusion
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About the Author
Camilla Aviss is a Registered Nurse in Ontario, Canada and an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC).